Ayan Yuruk: “Being True To Yourself Should Be A Life Motto For Everyone”

Charismatic personality, colorful and bold outfits, and an exuding confidence can describe the beloved queer role model Ayan Yuruk, one of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye Germany. From a successful young career as a creative director in design, to his jump on TV as part of one of the most popular global queer shows, Ayan’s journey has not always been roses. In conversation with Container Love, the renowned entrepreneur based in Berlin shares his perspective on queer issues and his remarks on staying true to yourself and remaining independent as a life drive.

If you have to name one or two episodes of your life that you consider as empowering moments identifying as a queer person, which ones would they be? 

I guess it is important to first state that we all have down moments in life, but I am not a queen that can stand self-pity. So yes, I definitely had empowering moments and keep having them. When I started as Head of Creative Head of Villeroy & Boch, I was living in a village with 2000 inhabitants. and it was the first time I came out. The sparkle in the eyes of the employees was priceless, because for them, finally in this village, someone highly ranked in the company was open about being queer. Just by voicing it out I had my community there. Slowly others started to share their stories and be open about their sexuality as well. It was a very emotional and powerful experience. 

Another one was, naturally, being part of Queer Eye Germany. It was incredibly empowering not just for me but for every queer person and ally who has watched it, I would say. The amount of gratitude and thank-you messages I still receive today are very touching and beautiful. We became role models for so many beautiful souls out there, and it feels like I can finally help people who felt as I did back in my childhood or teenage years. A young fella told me some weeks ago how grateful he is to have my mentorship through Instagram. He expressed that I gave him the motivation to believe in himself and to stop thinking that he is a ‘useless freak’, as the toxic people in his surroundings tell him. He moved out, found his safe space, and keeps rocking life. It is very touching when you encounter those moments.

Do you recognise parts of your own life in those stories? How was your experience growing up?

As a child, I was always different from others and never felt that I fit in. You know, it happens so often with us queers, things like I couldn’t play with the boys as they believed I belonged to the girls-gang, and the girls, well, they hang out with me, but they were mostly besties among themselves so I didn’t have many friends.

I grew up in Stuttgart, and even though I was hiding my identity for a long time, coming from a Turkish background, you can also imagine the cultural differences regarding queer and homosexuality. My fashion taste in clothing has always been loud, so I felt that people would always look at me in a very judgmental way. Also, I am a career queen who thought acting as a straight dude or at least trying would take me further up the ladder. To be very transparent about it, I believe that in many jobs that is still the case.

Do you recall any favorite icons or queer inspiration that you looked up to during those years growing up?

I had a big turning point when “Dirty” by the queen Christina Aguilera was released. It literally changed my life… and hair hahaha. I remember it so clearly, it was such an inspiration and wake-up call. I was standing in a department store in Stuttgart when the clip played on the screens and I was astonished, watching every detail and move of this hot bitch, who was just a baby girl before.

I remember that I booked an appointment at the hair salon straight after, colored everything blond with black highlights, and changed my entire style and appearance. It felt like I was re-born, and I was loud. After my Christina moment, I didn’t give a damn. I changed my school and people could feel my new energy, it was like everything has changed. I became super popular, it is like I became the Lindsay Lohan of Mean Girls -without being mean, I swear- hahaha. 

Do you feel that the queer aspect of your identity has evolved with you along the years?

To be very transparent, I have not felt the community as much as I do since Queer Eye Germany. Before that, I was living my cis-muscle-queen-life, which now retrospectively seems almost superficial and detached from what LGBTQIA+ really means.

As a cis gay man ‘life is alright’, you know. We blend in easily, as long as nobody digs too deep in, but our queer family is so much more than that. We have a mission here, and we are far away from our goals to have each letter of LGBTQIA+ to be equally accepted in society. Meanwhile, I don’t identify myself just as a gay man, I am a diversity advocate, therefore an attack on one of us is an attack to all of us – fuck labels.

How was the process for you to become one of the Fab 5 of Queer Eye Germany? Was it something you considered before being on TV?

That is a funny story, actually. When I was little, I always wanted to become a fancy creative director of a global brand like Karl Lagerfeld -oh child, if you knew better hahaha. Well, summarized I achieved my goal already in my late 20s, not as iconic as Karl, but it served my ego. Then I set my next goal to become an entrepreneur and have my own company. Don’t ask me how I made it, but it worked out. With lots of failures and errors, of course, but somehow the gods and goddesses seem to like me. I wonder if Madonna had something to do with it…

So then one day I manifested my next goal: I wanted to be on TV. Time passed and one day a friend called me. He was producing a trailer for a Netflix show and needed an extra to be in the background of a dining scene. Well… long story short, the trailer didn’t make it, but I somehow caught Netflix’s attention. The rest is history.

One of the core messages of the show is to raise awareness about the importance of self-love. How has been that journey for you?

Life is a big learning curve. I have learned and I will certainly keep learning. At this point my state of mind has two major mottos: First, never change who you are for others. If they have a problem with you, let it be their problem and don’t make it yours. I’ve tried for a long time to fit into different boxes to make others happy, such as my straight friends back then, my family, or in the work environment. They seemed satisfied with that version of Ayan, but I was not. So if you don’t feel comfortable being yourself in an environment, then leave! Because they don’t deserve you. And secondly, never be or become dependent on anyone. Use your light to shine on others, trust, love, give, and be generous, but always remain self-determined.

The international success of the show has brought to the spotlight the celebration of the queer factor, but also has triggered conservative parts of the society coming out with a lot of hate speech against the LGBTQIA+ community. How do you see the current situation in Germany, Europe, the world?

I think we cannot and should not ignore what is happening in the world at the moment. Yes, there are legislations around the globe trying to limit our rights and keep us quiet and small and this is exactly the time in which we have to stick together as a community including all queer identities and allies. We have come a long way, there is no option to give up what our queer family has fought for all these years. Somehow we need to find common ground and peace, and this can only happen if we all gain equal rights and be fully included in societies. 

So how do you think we can improve LGBTQIA+ rights, opportunities, and freedom in the near future?

I truly believe the key is the language you use to approach this topic. Many individuals out there are simply afraid of the unknown, and you won’t persuade them to your side by being loud, extreme, or pushy. Yes, we need Pride to advocate for our rights and commemorate our history, like Stonewall, but at the same time, we require a multi-dimensional communication strategy to convey this important message effectively and address individuals, individually. Sometimes, this might entail adopting a more humble approach that’s easier to understand for some people. I know I’m getting quite theoretical, sorry for that, but we must remember that we are all different, and we should consider this when choosing the language we use to keep pursuing this cause for everyone.

It would be foolish to deny the existence of negative emotions or life’s difficulties. In fact, they can often turn into very empowering experiences, so you beautiful human out there, do not lose your faith ever. We are too fabulous not to sparkle and shine. 

Talent Ayan Yuruk,  Photography Anil Ayhan, Words Javier Zamora-Kalazich