It takes time and courage to unlearn old ways of life, but rebuilding new is always worth it – Berlin-based actor and model Karma di Sapio plays an important role in our latest film, the music video for The Irrepressibles’ song, Ecstasy Homosexuality. In conversation with Container Love, Karma told us about his upbringing in Italy, his journey of self-exploration, lust, and why playing a voyeur carries a special relevance to him.
How has your journey in the queer community shaped who you are today?
It’s been a hell of a journey. Growing up in Italy, in a very conservative and traditional town, I wasn’t really allowed to explore my queerness till I got to Berlin at 19. It felt like a new beginning, a different life. I still feel like I’m only doing my first steps. A baby brain trapped in an old body. It takes time to forget everything you’ve learned and start over. I had to learn so much about how our world works, and I keep learning. In Italy, I had no queer friends. All my friends were heterosexual, nobody could understand how I felt. As we are all affected by inner homophobia and living in a heteronormative world, education and experience are key. Because the lack of awareness is what can make queer people feel limited and misunderstood.
How has this realization affected the way you look at others?
Growing up in Italy, I can tell that the people there are hiding the most. Considering that Italy is overall a very traditional and patriarchal country, most men are still affected by homophobia and toxic masculinity, especially in the South. Unfortunately, due to several factors like poverty, terrible educational systems and just how those places sometimes feel so forgotten, many people there are still uneducated. Not like it’s an exclusively Italian problem: if you open Grindr in less fortunate regions of France, Spain or any other European countries, people don’t even have their profile pictures up because they fear being seen and targeted.
What aspects of queer culture in Berlin do you find the most empowering, and why?
Berlin allows you to be and do whatever you like, with support and without judgment. In fact, the queer scene here is a real community, as messed up as it is, because there are a lot of underlying traumas involved. Nevertheless, you can always find a spot for yourself where you can feel seen and accepted. People will not judge but admire you and love you, and in comparison to other places and how queer folks are being treated there, this is fantastic. Of course, there is still a huge struggle, out and within the community, but the way that queerness is celebrated is so empowering. It’s almost like, if you’re not queer you might feel a bit like an outcast in Berlin, but only because so many of us are here because of it. And that’s the beauty of it.
How was the journey for you, shooting the video for Ecstasy Homosexuality?
My character in the film is very similar to my real self. I have been through some heartbreaking relationships, entering my journey of self-exploration that led to changes that shook up my entire life. Shooting the video was very significant to me. It’s all about trying to find joy and love again, friends too, and exploring sexual desires. The scene where I am watching the guys in the woods, it is quite symbolic, if not even ironic. I had never had a relationship before last year, and my only sexual encounters were casual and abusive. This made me overthink and easily feel uncomfortable with sex, to the point that I had no desire for it also because I find the sexual approach we face too direct and transgressive. In the video, with my character watching from the distance hoping to get a piece of the action, was literally me, slowly reconnecting with my own sexuality. The whole thing felt very emotional, like I was looking back at my old life, past experiences. It made me feel really inspired, knowing what I want my future to look like.
How does your queer identity influence your creative process?
I keep changing, shaping myself and this inevitably shows in everything I do. The eternal confusion and discovery of your identity. Playing with genders, mixing them up, and exploring. The way you feel like you are many different people throughout your life. One of my favorite ways of getting creative is to go out partying. I like to put on a look and play around with it, just to see how it feels. Berlin has a strong queer community, quite open and very supportive. For instance, I love FLINTA events for this very reason. Having a party where you don’t have to worry about what is happening around you. We have this culture of parties where you can literally be whoever you want to be, dress however you want to dress, and most importantly, feel safe while doing so. I just put on an outfit and go crazy, do things that I normally wouldn’t. You can let go of whatever is in the outside world. We can be weird, we can be crazy, we can be queer.
Karma’s interview is part of our special, Beyond Lust, celebrating queer love and liberation with Container Love’s latest film: the music video for the song by The Irrepressibles, Ecstasy Homosexuality.
Photography Anil Ayhan, Talent Karma Di Sapio
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