Adrián Gomis Exposito: The Absence Of Love

When it comes to finding oneself, the internal dialogue can be highly cathartic with time, but it can also be very dark and complicated in the beginning. When we think about love, we often overlook what someone might be going through or how mental health issues can shape a person’s love life. This is especially true when it comes to considering the experiences of LGBTQIA+ individuals. I’m referring to the absence of love, not as asexuality or the lack of sexual attraction to others, but rather as the incapability to feel love and sexual attraction due to personal and psychological limitations.

Love is a common topic among groups of friends, often treating intimacy as a casual subject while disregarding how distressing it might be for some individuals. Dating, body count, and sex always take the spotlight in conversations, which can be enjoyable for those comfortable discussing them. However, what about those who feel out of place in such settings? They might never be asked about their different attitude towards love, other emotions, or the influence of mental health issues on their love life, or lack thereof. What if a person has never experienced love or sexual attraction to another person, regardless of their age?

This is where understanding becomes more complicated, although I’m certain many LGBTQIA+ youth individuals have experienced this struggle within themselves. To begin with, the heteronormative structure of our society assumes that everyone is heterosexual, often overlooking diversity and the fluidity of gender, identity, and sexuality. This ultimately creates more barriers and difficulties.

Anxiety has dominated my life for many years and has hindered any positive feelings I might have had towards someone or something outside my comfort zone. Naturally, this has damaged my love life to the extent that I still don’t have one. However, it typically takes longer for LGBTQIA+ individuals to fully embrace and live their lives in all aspects until they make peace with themselves. Self-acceptance is crucial, but it is equally vital to confront fears and have the courage to face the situations that scare you the most.

Closets should be understood as a process rather than a physical space. Coming out of the closet is not something that happens overnight; it involves self-acceptance and the realization of one’s true identity and preferences. Personally, I have never believed in the concept of closets, as individuals should have the freedom to do and feel what they want, just like heterosexual individuals, without facing scrutiny. Perhaps I need more time to understand who I am, but no one should ever pressure or force me to declare or label myself. First and foremost, we should not assume that everyone is heterosexual and instead create an open environment for fruitful conversations about sexuality, self-expression, feelings, and mental health. By doing so, we come to realize that closets don’t really exist.

Let’s allow LGBTQIA+ individuals to behave “normally” without questioning or imposing any situation on them. Let’s understand their timelines and the situations they may be going through, and provide support in any way they may need. Eventually, we will understand that what we go through in our lives shapes who we are, and these processes are necessary. However, everyone has their own pace and personal circumstances. It is our responsibility to figure those out and thrive over time. And when we finally discover our true selves, a new life unfolds before us, empowering us to be, do, feel, and behave authentically. There are no limits in this new reality, and you will find that all the hardships you’ve faced and the sacrifices you’ve made are worthwhile. Never give up and fight for yourself.

Adrián is a writer, editor, and content creator with an extensive career, having worked with international magazines such as Vanity Teen, Man About Town, ODDA, Sicky, Yummy, Wonderland, and Metal. He holds a degree in Corporate Communications and Public Relations and has also collaborated with fashion brands from a PR perspective. Passionate about photography, fashion, and the arts, he is also an advocate for queer topics.

Check out his Instagram.

Illustration by Wojciech Wos for Container Love. Check out his website or Instagram.